You're
in front of a messed up table, where nothing's in place.
You
don't know what's wrong or why,
But it
is.
It's so
distracting; you want to kick it again and again,
Until
you lose all your energy.
So you
just change it until you can finally move on.
And then
you move, and you breathe.
Everything's
better. Time passes.
Your
mind is constantly occupied with food, with eating.
You
can't wait for that moment when you lose yourself in it,
Can't
wait to stuff yourself with all that junk.
You know
it's coming, you don’t always fight it anymore.
You've
stopped trying getting rid of it, you just try to keep things healthy.
You even
learnt to like yourself, or at least to deny and live with the loath.
You
believe you're much better, happier.
Well,
you moved to other addictions.
It
seemed ok, but then you had no control again.
You hate
it, you like it. Either way, you do it.
Occasionally,
you break, you cry, you scream.
Not as
bad as it used to be, not as much for sure.
You've
become strong.
You can
keep going, but your way is full of day offs.
And then
you go to sleep, too early or too late.
With a
terrible feeling, or a wonderful one-
It
doesn't matter, tomorrow's a new day.
Again,
you fix your pillow till frustration, and that is it.
You fall
asleep.
Thoughts:
*What
am I talking about? Some people are starving in Africa.
*
That, dad, is why I choose not to waste my time on math- source of stress that
I do not like at all. Also, that's why I sometimes was able to live in a
mess for a while.
*My
little sister is definitely one of the greatest things in my life.
*It's
lonely, but you grow, and you learn, and you struggle, and you fight, and you
dream and you live.
*this
was the tiniest bit I could write now, but that's enough.
Now look
outside your window, I did- and it's a beautiful day.
